Quest for Perfection
I always revered anorexics in my heart as having a powerful self-control. We envy the girl who can sit and sip her diet soda without a care…hating and admiring her at the same time.
Now I am that girl, and it's the most incredible feeling in the world.
Anorexia
There is one beauty in this world that, despite what many people will tell you, is revered above all others. This beauty is rare, quiet, gentle. Anyone who possesses this beauty is revered as a master of control, victorious over her own body and mind. Despite the popular ideas that this beauty is "not worth it," when we walk down the street and watch the eyes follow us...we know that it is worth it. It is worth every fought craving, every tear, every trip to the scale. This beauty is perfection, and it is the only beauty universally recognized.
Thin.
Some will tell you that it doesn't matter. "True" beauty is found on the inside. Perhaps this is true, but do you want to rely on only that kind of beauty? Why not have both? People on the street, in the stores, all around you will not recognize your inner qualities at first glance...or second. Or third. If you are fat, people will turn their heads in disgust and pretend you do not exist. They do not care about whatever "inner beauty" you might have. Yet, a beautiful thin girl, walking down the street in a rustle of loose clothing and light limbs, her hair tossed behind her, will draw every eye in reverence for her control.
Thin.
Say that word...slowly. Let your tongue enjoy the soft seductive feel of it. Let the slow "th" roll off your tongue. Let the "n" be a final expression - a goal. And there is only one word in the entire English language that goes with this lovely one-syllable word...
Anorexia.
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To quote a well-known pro-ana blogger:
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Don't you love the word anorexic?
The strong A that flows into the soft N and hollow O.
Then on to the rigid R and the feminine E that hits the exotic XIC combination.
Just the sound of it rolling off your tongue, the 'exic' sounding like crunching celery stalks.
The word alone is feminine and refreshing but secretive and mysterious at the same time.
Anorexic, the word whispered in many high school bathroom stalls,
coming from the gossiping bubble gum lips of 16 year old girls.
Anorexic, the word parents fear, and the word models revere.
The word that for some can promote a lifestyle or hide a nightmare.
A light word carried on ballerina feet across a stage of bathroom scales,
that holds deadly but oh so attractive glory.
Anorexic.
This is the word to describe our lives.
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
